I once had a friend ask me, “Why do people automatically assume the worst in certain situations? For example, one time I saw an ambulance go into a friend’s neighborhood and i immediately assumed my friend was in trouble. Sometimes when I ask my friends how they are doing and they say, ‘I’m fine.’ I assume they are lying and something in wrong.”
I think that this is a defense mechanism. Historically, humans have had to protect themselves from all kinds of threats. It didn’t take much to kill you back before modern medicine. A poison plant that would cause an ER visit today would often mean death. Losing your leg often meant losing your life, or at least your social standing which depending on the culture was often the same thing. We feared anyone who was not part of our tribe because strangers often carried diseases we were not immune to, or were part of another tribe competing for the same scarce resources.
It’s like the stories the dad in the that movie the Croods would tell. Every mishap, every illness, every problem ended in death.
Fast forward to today. While many of the things that threatened our lives are no longer an issue, we often hold onto the same caution. In our desire to be ready for anything, we often focus on being ready for every negative thing, rather than being ready for good things. For example, we don’t leave our doors unlocked in case a stranger wants to bring us a present in the middle of the night. We lock our doors in case a stranger wants to take our things. We memorize that we dial 911 if we or a loved one are in danger, we don’t have a special phone number to call in case something awesome happens to us. At school we practice what to do in case of a fire, active shooter, choking incident or student injury. We don’t practice how to throw a party at a moments notice to celebrate life.
Our modern positivity culture has also played a part in this. Depending on who you follow on social media, it can look like everyone has their lives together. So many people post pictures/ images about the highlights of their lives and not the daily struggle. For some of us, we begin to think that people will only like us if we look successful and happy. That no one wants to hear about our problems. So when people ask about how we are doing, we lie. If we lie about how we are doing, we might begin to suspect that other people are doing so as well.
Another factor could be celebrity suicides/ overdoses. People who seem to have it all, sometimes turn out to have been miserable and depressed. These stories can create concern that some of the people in our lives are also hiding struggles that they do not share with the world. So when your friends says they are “fine”, the part of you that cares about them worries that this might not be true. It could also be that you are able to tell when they patterns of behavior are off, indicating that they are not fine, only to have them tell that they are.
When life is only about survival, it is hard to fixate on anything other than what might be a threat to that survival. But if you find a reason for living beyond survival, I believe that you will begin to see more of the good things that exist around you.
I know this was a bit of a ramble, not even sure if I answered their question but I hope that there was something of value in it. As always feel free to send me more questions.
Time for your next adventure,
I’ll miss you
Mr. Maxwell 