Sharing Your Creativity (Recorded)

Have you ever been in a group setting, maybe at school, work, church or an open mic night where you were invited to share something you created? Maybe someone suggested you start a blog (are those still a thing?, YouTube/ TikTok channel or a podcast. Maybe you want to but can’t bear to take that step. I get it, being creative is one thing. Being creative in front of people is something else entirely. It can be very intimidating, “Turns the legs to jelly”, as Thanos would say.

“I love creating, it’s the sharing that frightens me”

While I have rarely felt afraid to try something new, the act of sharing my creations with others is terrifying. For example, it took me over a year to start this blog and podcast, and it took several months before I dared to share it with people, and even then it has only been a very small group of people who were invited to listen/ read at first. Whatever my creative obsession is at the moment, be it custom sneakers, building furniture, writing stories, songs or poems or making digital content I’m super excited until the time comes to put my work out there for the world to see. I love creating, it’s the sharing that frightens me.

Here’s why: When you share what you create you are sharing a part of you. Your heart, emotions your very soul laid bare for others to see. There can be nothing more frightening than that. If they reject your creation, it can feel like they are rejecting a part of you. If they criticize, it is as if they are looking deep into your soul and declaring you unworthy of love and understanding. While we may not verbalize it this way, it is as if we know that once people reject what we create, we will end up alone and unloved, jobless, penniless, living under a bridge with a homeless guy named Gill who shares is daily catch of rats with you so you have something to eat while muttering about being an undiscovered artist. Maybe that’s just me.

I think I drove that point into and under the ground.

But (of course there is a but).

When we share what we create, we bring light into the world. When we share our creative work we are sharing our hearts, our souls with those around us. That’s what is awesome about creativity. We get to play with that divine spark that resides in all of us, we get to tap into the same energy that brought our world into being. We bring light into the dark wasteland inhabited by those “cold and timid souls who know neither victory not defeat” #maninthearena. We position ourselves to inspire, lift up, challenge and encourage those who encounter our work. Our bared souls demand a response!

(getting a bit melodramatic but you get my point)

The world needs you. The world needs your creativity. Be it in business, painting, comedy, sculpture, dance, music, poetry, macaroni art, video, t-shirts, stickers, unicorn hats, stories, house building, or being a paintball trampoline basketball player (It’s not what it sounds like, it’s basketball, but you have paintball guns and the court is a giant trampoline).

I am aware that I left something very important out. I left out the part where I teach you how to conquer your fear of sharing your creativity. There is a reason for that.

I didn’t tell you how to get over the fear because I don’t know how. I have not conquered my fear. I am afraid right now as I write this, the anticipation of sharing this with you (whoever you are) is scary. But here I am, doing it anyway. I don’t know if the fear will ever go away, but so long as it’s not crippling fear I will keep going. You should to.

Alright friends it’s time for your next adventure,

I’ll miss you

Demand Avoidance (Recorded)

”I hate my brain”, “I hate the way I am”, “I’m stupid”, “I’m a failure”.

I have heard these statements from my neurodivergent students from time to time, and today was a day when I said it about myself.

Today is ”vulnerability: let’s get real“ day.

I let someone down.

Where to start.

I had an opportunity presented to me with a very short time to accept or reject, but saying yes to that opportunity would cause me to let a client, who was also family, down. Not only that but the opportunity created a disruption in my life at a time when everything was out of sync in every area of my life and I was in constant anxiety. Paralyzed by the situation, I knew I should talk with them but I didn’t know what to say. I lingered in paralysis while the situation unfolded around me. I had meltdowns and suffered an autoimmune flare all because I didn’t know how to handle the situation. Then the decision was made and I had to face them. Naturally they were upset, not only were they my clients and my family but I consider them to be friends. Needless to say there was a loss of trust in my abilities as a professional, and it had a negative impact on our relationship. I wanted to tell them about what was going on in my head, what was going on in my life and how being autistic makes it vary hard for me to deal with situations like this well but I didn’t know what to do or what to say. Because in moments like this I have learned the hard way that no one cares.

Even if people know I am autistic, as an adult no one wants to hear about my autism when I am I mess up because it just sounds like an excuse. When people are upset with me, they don’t care about my issues, they expect me to function like a neurotypical where they are involved. So when I talked with them, I couldn’t even tell them what was really going on with me. It was like when I was a child in trouble with my parents all over again. So I just went with the script of shame, I didn’t defend myself or advocate for myself I just let them be mad at me and tell me how awful I am. I didn’t waste time trying to explain what was going on in my head or why I struggle with these kind of situations. I just agreed that I was wrong while in my head berating myself for being a terrible unprofessional person who shouldn’t be in business for himself. Because I am, right.

Well not exactly.

What I experienced is called Demand Avoidance, and it is something that neurodivergent people struggle with all the time.

According to authors Koegel, Singh and Koegel in their 2010 research paper ”Frustration and Task Avoidance in Students with Autism Spectrum Disorder”, they discuss how it is common for autistic students to shut down when presented with stressful and difficult tasks. While this article was written about autistic children and task avoidance, the reality is that autistic children grow up to be autistic adults. I am not citing this as an excuse, but it is a reminder that I am not alone when it comes to this type of situation.

Autistic people may avoid demands or situations that trigger anxiety or sensory overload, disrupt routines, involve transitioning from one activity to another, and activities/events that they don’t see the point of or have any interest in.

They may refuse, withdraw, ‘shutdown’ or escape in order to avoid these things.

For those who work with or help autistic children and adults, helpful approaches include addressing sensory issues, helping them adjust to new situations (for instance by using visuals or social stories), keeping to a predictable routine as much as possible, and giving them plenty of notice about any changes and help them know that sometimes, avoiding the task or situation might be the right thing to do.

This was not an easy thing to walk through, and honestly, maybe I should not be in business for myself if things like this can happen. That or I need someone to be in business with me who understands my autism and can come alongside me in those moments and help me through it. I have that at work, people who are safe that I can go to when I need support.

As hard as this is right now, I know that everything is going to be okay. Everything in me is telling me that I need to give up any dreams of starting a business or working for myself in the future. But I won’t. I know that I got in my own way today, and I will get in my own way again. But I can’t give up. This is not the death of my vision, but it is a very painful lesson. I can do this I just can’t do this alone. I don’t know how, but I need to find people I can be myself around, people who can partner with me and dream with me. People who will make space for the best and worst of who I am. I have begun to find those people, I just need to invite them to play a larger role in my life if they want to.

My dreams are still possible, this is not the end. Even though it feels like it today.

So this was a bit real, possibly too real but I know I am not alone in this. If you have ever gone through a similar situation I would love to hear from you. You can find me on instagram @mrmaxwellteaches, or @samumaxwell.

Alright friends it’s time for your next adventure,

I’ll miss you

Resilience (Recorded)

Hi friends, today was are talking about resilience. This story involves a 7th grade class that I taught years ago.

Near the end of the school year I gave my seventh grade class the task of writing, directing and putting on a play about some of the historic figures that they had been learning about in history. I made sure to plan ahead and scheduled time in the school’s multipurpose room so they would have a place to practice and perform in.

Unfortunately, there were other events that take place every year at the school that everyone knew about but me because I was new to the school. As a result I had to give up my time slots. This happened two weeks before the end of the school year. Without a space to practice, the project was falling apart. The class had already written their scripts and made revisions, they were really excited about the project and I dreaded the idea of telling them that we lost our rehearsal and performance space. In the midst of my frustration, I realized that I was being given an opportunity. This could be a chance for me to teach my class about resilience, how to overcome obstacles and succeed in spite of opposition. Still feeling frustrated, I went to my seventh grade students and I told them what was going on.

We discussed the difficulties and I told them that this is going to be an opportunity for them to test their ability to adapt, to be flexible, to meet their goals in spite of adverse circumstances. The class brainstormed ideas, discussed solution and let me tell you, they did not disappoint. We found outdoor spaces to rehearse. We created an outdoor theater behind the school for them to perform their plays. They did a wonderful job not only for me but for the second grade class that came to watch them perform. I was so proud of them! I hope that from this experience, my students learned that they can conquer whatever lies between themselves and their goals.

In life there are moments when we want to do something, but circumstances keep us from doing so. Days when the obstacles that lie between us and our dreams seem insurmountable. In those moments we have a choice. We can quit, give up and walk away from our goals and dreams, or we can face what’s in front of us to the best fo our ability. Life is hard (Philosophy #1), sometimes things do not work out the way we want them to. But I truly believe that all of us are capable of much more than we realize. The trick is to stop focusing on what we can’t do, and instead focus on what we can do. Discover and build upon your strengths in stead of fixating on your weaknesses. In time you will find that you truly are powerful beyond measure.

Alright friends, it’s time for your next adventure,

I’ll miss you